Dear future child
If it’s 3am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair
Please do not turn to strangers on the internet for solace as I did
Please climb onto my bed
And I will hold you until the demons sleep
If it is Thursday morning and you are too sad to move
I won’t force you
I will buy ice cream and we will watch your favourite tv show and I will remind you of your importance
If you feel as if you have no purpose
I will remind you that you were created entirely with love and every pain you feel, I feel too
When you’re sure you can’t go on anymore
I will tell you that when I was 21 I searched for peace at the bottom of a vodka bottle chased by a bottle of pain killers
But that five years later
When you were placed in my arms in the delivery room
I realised that you were why I had been holding on
Without realising it, you saved me, do you know how amazing that is?
So if you ever feel like grabbing that vodka bottle, put it down, we will get in the car and I will drive until the sky turns magenta
I will show you how the sun rises every morning to encourage you to rise too
Sweetheart I refuse to be unaware of your sufferings
As my mother was to mine.
I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Just hearing from you makes my day, although you’re a million miles away from where I am. I miss you so damn much, that it is hard to function sometimes. You’re like a drug to me , being around you makes me feel high. I love the feelings that I get when I look into those green eyes. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before. I remember the first day I met you. Every little detail of that night. (: I remember wearing your cowboy boots (lol), I remember you giving me your hoodie (which I still have) because I was cold. That meant everything to me.. I remember watching insidious while eating sour patch kids. I remember wanting to hold you in my arms, so badly. But I couldn’t. I remember wanting to kiss you before you left. I wanted you then, the way I want you now. Nothing has changed. Except the fact that… My feelings have grew a hell of a lot stronger. And it scares me. Because I dunno if you’ll ever be mine again. And I want that so badly. I want to be yours more than anything. I want you here with me. Now. More than ever. I wish you were home. :( and I wish… I could express to You. Exactly how I feel. But I can never find the right words other than.. “I love you”. But you’ll never know how much. .. And how much you mean to me.
And then she told herself, “Stop being so weak. Grow up and get over it.” and then she never felt anything again.